So, when I realized that in the scheme of things, in the scope and sequence of things, in the Great Design and Master Plan of things what time it was, well just imagine! I was both dismayed at not having known what I should have known, what I should have understood from the beginning, what I had never been told–yet which every sign had made so abundantly clear whenever I had kept all three eyes open: it was the the beginning again. It was the first year.
I sat for a while not knowing, and trying to feel. Knowing and trying not to feel. Feeling and wanting and not wanting to know what I now knew and must be responsible for. I felt the unction, the vibration: “work while it is day, for when the night cometh no man can work.” I heard The Voice: “What will ye?”
What will I, indeed, I thought! What will I and what won’t I? I remembered that “whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.” And I looked down at remains of the harvest in front of me, of which I was still partaking. And this being the first year in the cycle, I made some decisions about what I would sow this Time. And I looked inward, both sad that I had found out late and yet relieved that it was not too late to sow something I could look forward to reaping.
I know I’ve been writing a lot about weight-loss recently, and in spite of how positive I am trying to stay about it…it sometimes comes out rather negatively. Forgive me for that. My beloved guru says we should be someone’s “mental sunshine,” but I have fallen gravely short of that lately.
On the other side of the coin, someone made ME feel very special today and they don’t even know it. I realize that we all call each other stalkers here, but I have become a SERIOUS stalker of one of my favorite blogs. Reading her blog is absolutely addictive and I love it for the pithy anecdotes and down-to-earth way she sincerely expresses herself. Well, can you imagine how I felt when I saw on her blog roll that she actually follows me?! I know what you’re thinking: You ALWAYS know who is following you because you can see the reminders and updates whenever you log in…except that I don’t always pay much attention to that. I realize that I SHOULD, but when you have SEVERAL blogs, a few published books, a family, a full-time job, and are working on anther master’s degree…well you sometimes let things slip.
Okay, so seeing the name of one of my blogs in her blog roll just sent me over the top with all sorts of warm fuzzy endorphins shooting through my system. While I realize that she probably follows a BUNCH of blogs, and mine doesn’t necessarily mean more to her than anyone else’s, IT DOESN’T MATTER. Her blog knows that my little blog exists. And that is my mental sunshine for today, thanks to her. I don’t know why it happened, but it also made me want to be a better me, just knowing that someone–or that person in particular–is going to read what I write, and maybe, just maybe root for me that same way I do for her.
Happy writing everyone. Someone is stalking you!