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Happy Birthday…I think

My birthdays tend toward melancholy and nostalgia. I know better, and yet that’s how it is. At my age, it is difficult not to look back on the “glory days” that, oddly enough I didn’t know may prove to be the highlights of my life. It’s equally difficult not to regret what projects still have not been finished, what words left unsaid, what relationships abandoned, what dreams yet unrealized.

And so, yet again it is time to reassess. Scrap unworthy goals and set new ones. Determine what is worth pursuing and what paths are better not following. With–statistically speaking–half my life already over, what will I now do? Where will I go, and with whom?

But while I would be lying if I said I don’t want to do more things than I have done, truthfully what I am finding more imperative each day, is HOW I DO THOSE THINGS. That is to say, even if I only do one small thing, did I do it with integrity? Did I persevere until I saw the results I was initially looking for? Or did I allow myself to be dissuaded by nay-sayers (even those that insist in hanging out in my own head)?

At this point in my life, more important than accuracy, or even consistency is authenticity. If there is one thing I will celebrate this year, it is the blessing of still being on the path to being my most authentic self, and showing as much grace and mercy to myself as I show to others. Whatever I do, I will do it with boldness and with tenacity and with joy. Because that is who I am. I will give my strength to what I believe I should (until I see things differently) and then if need be, I will change my course, because that is OKAY.

This year, I want to live unapologetically–even if I do so quietly. I will accept that I don’t have to be popular, neither on social media, nor in my real human interactions. I will cast out the fear of judgment and criticism of people who have never taken the time to get to know me. I will give myself the love that I know I deserve. I will be my friend. I will embrace every part of me, and wish me well.

So, I guess this is a happy birthday, eh? Happy Birthday, ol’ gal! Happy Birthday.

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Warm Feelings; Mental Sunshine

I know I’ve been writing a lot about weight-loss recently, and in spite of  how positive I am trying to stay about it…it sometimes comes out rather negatively. Forgive me for that. My beloved guru says we should be someone’s “mental sunshine,” but I have fallen gravely short of that lately.

On the other side of the coin, someone made ME feel very special today and they don’t even know it. I realize that we all call each other stalkers here, but I have become a SERIOUS stalker of one of my favorite blogs. Reading her blog is absolutely addictive and I love it for the pithy anecdotes and down-to-earth way she sincerely expresses herself. Well, can you imagine how I felt when I saw on her blog roll that she actually follows me?! I know what you’re thinking: You ALWAYS know who is following you because you can see the reminders and updates whenever you log in…except that I don’t always pay much attention to that. I realize that I SHOULD, but when you have SEVERAL blogs, a few published books, a family, a full-time job, and are working on anther master’s degree…well you sometimes let things slip.

Okay, so seeing the name of one of my blogs in her blog roll just sent me over the top with all sorts of warm fuzzy endorphins shooting through my system. While I realize that she probably follows a BUNCH of blogs, and mine doesn’t necessarily mean more to her than anyone else’s, IT DOESN’T MATTER. Her blog knows that my little blog exists. And that is my mental sunshine for today, thanks to her. I don’t know why it happened, but it also made me want to be a better me, just knowing that someone–or that person in particular–is going to read what I write, and maybe, just maybe root for me that same way I do for her.

Happy writing everyone. Someone is stalking you!