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Let Me

Let me in

–do not be afraid.

Let me touch you…inside, I mean.

I will not hurt you there.

Need me, it’s okay.

No, don’t push me away.

I will not intrude.

I will not ask anything I’m not willing also to give.

I won’t leave you.

I have never loved you more than I do today.

Come out, okay?

And let me understand you

and interpret you to others.

And let me feel you

and be in awe.

And let me see you

like you really are.

And let me know you

and tremble at your uniqueness.

And let me have you.

Let me touch you…inside, I mean.

I will not hurt you there.

Let me in.

–do not be afraid.

Just let me.

9/26/99

583243ac1fa919b34636ed5f960a15b2

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Man, but didn’t we laugh, though?

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Boy, but didn’t we laugh, though?

Sneaking in , right under their noses, no less

to explore each other,

Investigate;

Research.

Smiling through our kisses

While our hearts ached at the impossibility of it all,

The daydream;

The nightmare.

Pretending we didn’t know better,

We lied to make it better;

Making promises that would evaporate

With the dew on the grass in the morning sunshine.

Suffocating each other with kisses

And hardly able to keep up the frenzied rhythm

We set up with our bodies,

We crashed…only to begin again.

Oh! The sweet emergency of it all!

Dying to be together, we acted as though we could,

And snickered at everything,

Joked about everything, so lighthearted.

And held onto each other for life, wide-eyed in the silence.

In the dark.

Promising even that last day

That last time

That last kiss

That last smile…

Promising we would see each other again;

That we would belong to each other for the rest of our lives.

Sitting here now

Wondering where you are,

Wiping away the tears you would not allow me

To cry back then, I think, “What the hell was so funny…?”

Man, but didn’t we laugh, though?

5/06

1

This Do in Remembrance of Me

I see the green toweluntitled

     and I remember.

I more than remember.

A flood of smells, sounds and other sensations

     wash over me,

crashing upon my awareness for the thousandth time.

I stand still; experience tells me the waves will pass.

But for now I am moved.

I am more than moved.

 The unbidden waves of remembrance threaten to knock me down:

The movement of your body against mine, in mine.

You are drenched, spent in every way.

Panting, hardly able to catch your breath,

you plead simply,

“Prestame la toalla.”

I move obediently in the dark to obey.

My life is to obey…or so it was.

I am keenly aware of your every motion in the darkness:

You rub the musky towel vigorously over every part of your body,

and I want to help you:

Your hair, your back, your chest…

My life it to help you…or so it was.

You will be healed through the blood I have shed;

You will be happy through my tears.

And it is a fair exchange. The sweat of your brow

 has brought me to life

Tonight.

Today

I hold the green towel and I hear,

“This is my body that was broken for you…”

But something seems wrong with that thought.

The seemingly merciless waves have subsided

and I wonder why I am clutching this green towel.

I remember myself.

There are other things that must be done around here.

©2006