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Happy Birthday…I think

My birthdays tend toward melancholy and nostalgia. I know better, and yet that’s how it is. At my age, it is difficult not to look back on the “glory days” that, oddly enough I didn’t know may prove to be the highlights of my life. It’s equally difficult not to regret what projects still have not been finished, what words left unsaid, what relationships abandoned, what dreams yet unrealized.

And so, yet again it is time to reassess. Scrap unworthy goals and set new ones. Determine what is worth pursuing and what paths are better not following. With–statistically speaking–half my life already over, what will I now do? Where will I go, and with whom?

But while I would be lying if I said I don’t want to do more things than I have done, truthfully what I am finding more imperative each day, is HOW I DO THOSE THINGS. That is to say, even if I only do one small thing, did I do it with integrity? Did I persevere until I saw the results I was initially looking for? Or did I allow myself to be dissuaded by nay-sayers (even those that insist in hanging out in my own head)?

At this point in my life, more important than accuracy, or even consistency is authenticity. If there is one thing I will celebrate this year, it is the blessing of still being on the path to being my most authentic self, and showing as much grace and mercy to myself as I show to others. Whatever I do, I will do it with boldness and with tenacity and with joy. Because that is who I am. I will give my strength to what I believe I should (until I see things differently) and then if need be, I will change my course, because that is OKAY.

This year, I want to live unapologetically–even if I do so quietly. I will accept that I don’t have to be popular, neither on social media, nor in my real human interactions. I will cast out the fear of judgment and criticism of people who have never taken the time to get to know me. I will give myself the love that I know I deserve. I will be my friend. I will embrace every part of me, and wish me well.

So, I guess this is a happy birthday, eh? Happy Birthday, ol’ gal! Happy Birthday.

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Let Me

Let me in

–do not be afraid.

Let me touch you…inside, I mean.

I will not hurt you there.

Need me, it’s okay.

No, don’t push me away.

I will not intrude.

I will not ask anything I’m not willing also to give.

I won’t leave you.

I have never loved you more than I do today.

Come out, okay?

And let me understand you

and interpret you to others.

And let me feel you

and be in awe.

And let me see you

like you really are.

And let me know you

and tremble at your uniqueness.

And let me have you.

Let me touch you…inside, I mean.

I will not hurt you there.

Let me in.

–do not be afraid.

Just let me.

9/26/99

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Thank you! You are the Best readers Ever!!

followed-blog-50-2xI don’t know how it happened, because I’ve only published 17 posts in this particular blog. I began to write in earnest on April 26th, so in less than a month, you have brought me up to 50 readers. Excuse me, FIFTY-TWO followers. Well, I don’t just follow people on a whim, and I assume you don’t either. So, again, I really appreciate you and as always, look forward to your comments. Happy Blogging, Everyone!!!!

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Happy Mother’s Day

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Please click on the  Happy Mother’s Day  link if you’d like to see the video I’m trying to post (but can’t seem to do!) UGH. Did I mention that I am a technological dinosaur? If you do get to watch the video, then PLEASE let me know that the link actually worked. THANKS!

Well, I hope that your day has been better than mine. We have had clouds then heavy rain, then sunshine–and then all of that all over again ALL DAY, which perfectly reflects that way my mood has been as well. After I made the little video mentioned above I DID receive a call from yet another of my sons, so that make 3 out of 4. I’ll be okay.

My sister and I took my mother out to eat dinner and then to get some work-out clothes. Yep, my mom goes to the YMCA, so good for her! We had a good time. Now I am back at home in my little office about to get some last-minute things together for a team project we have to present tomorrow night at Salem College I my multiculturalism/diversity class. Hurray that tomorrow night is the last official class of the semester for us. And after that I have only one more assignment to upload before May 14.

As soon as I no longer have to go to class on Monday nights I’m committed to trying to go walking after work at least 3 days a week for at least a half hour at a time. Yes, I know I need to do much more. But I gotta start somewhere, right?

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Warm Feelings; Mental Sunshine

I know I’ve been writing a lot about weight-loss recently, and in spite of  how positive I am trying to stay about it…it sometimes comes out rather negatively. Forgive me for that. My beloved guru says we should be someone’s “mental sunshine,” but I have fallen gravely short of that lately.

On the other side of the coin, someone made ME feel very special today and they don’t even know it. I realize that we all call each other stalkers here, but I have become a SERIOUS stalker of one of my favorite blogs. Reading her blog is absolutely addictive and I love it for the pithy anecdotes and down-to-earth way she sincerely expresses herself. Well, can you imagine how I felt when I saw on her blog roll that she actually follows me?! I know what you’re thinking: You ALWAYS know who is following you because you can see the reminders and updates whenever you log in…except that I don’t always pay much attention to that. I realize that I SHOULD, but when you have SEVERAL blogs, a few published books, a family, a full-time job, and are working on anther master’s degree…well you sometimes let things slip.

Okay, so seeing the name of one of my blogs in her blog roll just sent me over the top with all sorts of warm fuzzy endorphins shooting through my system. While I realize that she probably follows a BUNCH of blogs, and mine doesn’t necessarily mean more to her than anyone else’s, IT DOESN’T MATTER. Her blog knows that my little blog exists. And that is my mental sunshine for today, thanks to her. I don’t know why it happened, but it also made me want to be a better me, just knowing that someone–or that person in particular–is going to read what I write, and maybe, just maybe root for me that same way I do for her.

Happy writing everyone. Someone is stalking you!