8

I’m Out

Well, if you followed my blog because I was about to have Weight Loss Surgery…I’m sorry for both of us.

I’m opting out of the surgery, and I’m still pressing toward being my most authentic self. I hope you will remember that my original purpose for beginning this blog was to discover and express that true Self.

I am sooooooo happy for all my friends here who have had and those who will have the surgery. I wish you the best of luck and the best of health. I honestly mean that. I pray we will all get there; where we want to be.

As for me, I had to confront the truth: that I had made a fear-based, emotionally-charged decision: something I know from experience is a horrible thing to do and rarely has good outcomes. On the contrary, the decisions I have made that way have usually come with a horrifying price tag and many, many regrets. At the age I am now, I honestly cannot afford to make many more decisions like that.

Somewhere deep inside I have believed and do believe that I will receive Divine help. And yet it seems that looking back, I have consistently drawn back in doubt and then fallen into the trap of trying to do what has been successful for other people. I have never been true (over the long term) to the Guidance that I know for a fact that I have received. Instead, I have made many choices in desperation. Even now, I am carrying around an extra 100 pounds on my body that is largely due to one of those decisions to act in desperation when my weight-loss efforts were not paying off dividends fast enough for my satisfaction.

Be Blessed. Be Happy. Be Well.

5

Warm Feelings; Mental Sunshine

I know I’ve been writing a lot about weight-loss recently, and in spite of  how positive I am trying to stay about it…it sometimes comes out rather negatively. Forgive me for that. My beloved guru says we should be someone’s “mental sunshine,” but I have fallen gravely short of that lately.

On the other side of the coin, someone made ME feel very special today and they don’t even know it. I realize that we all call each other stalkers here, but I have become a SERIOUS stalker of one of my favorite blogs. Reading her blog is absolutely addictive and I love it for the pithy anecdotes and down-to-earth way she sincerely expresses herself. Well, can you imagine how I felt when I saw on her blog roll that she actually follows me?! I know what you’re thinking: You ALWAYS know who is following you because you can see the reminders and updates whenever you log in…except that I don’t always pay much attention to that. I realize that I SHOULD, but when you have SEVERAL blogs, a few published books, a family, a full-time job, and are working on anther master’s degree…well you sometimes let things slip.

Okay, so seeing the name of one of my blogs in her blog roll just sent me over the top with all sorts of warm fuzzy endorphins shooting through my system. While I realize that she probably follows a BUNCH of blogs, and mine doesn’t necessarily mean more to her than anyone else’s, IT DOESN’T MATTER. Her blog knows that my little blog exists. And that is my mental sunshine for today, thanks to her. I don’t know why it happened, but it also made me want to be a better me, just knowing that someone–or that person in particular–is going to read what I write, and maybe, just maybe root for me that same way I do for her.

Happy writing everyone. Someone is stalking you!