I Knew Better than to Be Honest

Damn.

I’m sorry if that word offends anyone. I am soooo not a person who goes around cursing. It’s quite ineffective. But boy, what a stressful day! With all my heart I had been looking forward to the Psych Eval that I was to be given as a first step on my journey to weight loss through bariatric surgery. But now I am so angry and confused that I just want to go to bed and get rid of this day.

I promise to write about the whole damnable experience, but right now suffice it to say that it was a freaking DISASTER. In spite of my original hesitation about doing do, I answered all the questions in the battery of tests and in his personal interview with transparency and full disclosure. End result: He wants me to go back to the same medications that I have not taken in about SEVEN YEARS and get my mood stabilized before he will recommend me for the surgery. He said that I am “obviously” Bipolar and that I manifest all the signs of being in a manic phase RIGHT NOW.

What an ugly and TOTALLY unexpected obstacle. I felt enough shame already for having to ask for help through surgery in the first place. Please imagine how I will feel if I go back to taking the same medications that I have told people ALL OVER THE WORLD that I now live without. Why do I have to be such a freaking sell-out? What a twisted, mean world this is. What I hypocrite I feel like. What I failure I feel like.

This is NOT going at all how I’d planned.

Advertisements

10 thoughts on “I Knew Better than to Be Honest

  1. You’re not a failure! It’s definitely a kick in the gut, no doubt about that, but it’s not the end of the world! Take a breath, take a nap, regroup. This may not be as bad as you think it is.

    • I have had a few hours since this post to calm down. I just want to thank you for your encouragement. Tomorrow, things will undoubtedly look different. I appreciate you.

  2. Look, I would have sold my left kidney to get to where I am in the journey right now… Do not be dismayed! I would follow his advise and move forward. Many people do not resume taking these meds after the surgery. Some do… But others do not. Don’t toss in the towel just yet… You’re not seeing the whole picture. Reframe, breathe, then revisit the situation.❤️hugs!

    • I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your thoughtfulness and encouragement. I will not yet throw in the towel. Tomorrow I will wake up refreshed and hopefully with a new outlook on this. Thanks again.

  3. Obviously there is a different system in your country – I was on a waiting list for 4 years as a public patient when I got the call – there is no psych eval that I know of here in Australia. I hope that it works you for you, I’m 10 days post op and starting to feel better every day. Sending best wishes for your journey.

    • Wow! Suddenly you have made me feel very blessed. I will definitely be more grateful, no matter how many obstacles I have to overcome. Thanks so much for reading and for your comments!!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s