My Decision

A year ago, I thought that I could do this on my own. I was morbidly obese, but still had a sense of hope about the possibilities of losing weight. I began to journal my eating habits with an online tool called MyFitness Pal. That was cool. I tried to overcome the pain and bitterness of having gained so much weight after taking Phentermine pills prescribed by my doctor. I began to walk for 30-45 minutes a day at least 5 times a week. Every now and then I went to the gym. Over the course of several months I think I lost about 9 pounds and a couple of inches.

So now a year has passed and my meager efforts have resulted in horrible results. I am exhausted. I weigh 20 pounds more, I think. That is, I am afraid to even get on the scales because I can no longer wear the size 18’s that I was wearing a year ago. I now wear a size 24 and sometimes a size 22. My exhaustion and depression can be seen in my face. I know this because whereas people used to call me “Sunshine” they now just ask me what’s wrong. I am irritable and in pain. My only refuge, sleep, is no longer easily accessible and is constantly interrupted with pains that play themselves out in my dreams. I frequently cry because of the state that I am in.

Then there are all the happy, fit people who tell me that “all you have to do is…” Oh, dear! How can I express how much I hate hearing simplistic solutions. If I could just do any of the hundred things that people say you have to do, well then I wouldn’t BE in this situation, now would I? I know that I must have will power, because I have accomplished so many other feats in my life. So why can’t I seem to apply that same will power to this particular challenge? I don’t know that answer. And now I am too tired to figure it out. I am not getting any younger, and I’m feeling worse by the minute. Something has to be done.

Yesterday I made the firm decision to pursue the latest laparoscopic sleeve surgery. I have heard wonderful things about it from people who have had amazing results; the risks seem few; my insurance will evidently pay for most of the procedure. What do I have to lose besides all the weight that is slowly and painfully killing me?


2 thoughts on “My Decision

  1. Hi!!! I have and currently am in your same spot where I am just tired of trying and although I have opted for another route w/out surgery just know you have a support system here! I will be here to cheer you on! Please keep journaling your food and exercising and drinking your water because just as that is a tool so is your surgery. Proper portion sizes and exercising are a must to even have your surgery be successful. We all can change our lifestyles one day at a time; one meal at a time.

    • Thank you so very much! At my age, this does not seem to be getting any easier, but I have got to stay encouraged. Your support helps. Tomorrow I’m going to make that call to the doctor. Thanks again.

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