Today is the Day

The sculpture Bronskvinnorna (The women of bro...

The sculpture Bronskvinnorna (The women of bronze) outside of the art museum (Konsthallen), Växjö, Sweden. The sculpture is a work by Marianne Lindberg De Geer. Its display of one anorectic and one obese woman is a demonstration against modern society’s obsession with how we look. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I am fat.

Dang it, I wasn’t going to start out like that; because I’ve already made up my mind that this blog will be about so much more than just my journey on the weight-loss wagon. I am more than just a fat body. I am beautiful. I am intelligent. I am loved and loving.

Okay, but I am also fat. Or should I say “obese” and keep out all the emotional baggage that comes with the term fat? Well, if we’re going to be clinical, then I should say that I am morbidly obese. Don’t argue with me. I KNOW I don’t look like it–for which I am truly thankful–but it doesn’t stop the truth from being true. And yes, I am going to tell you exactly how much I weigh…but if you don’t mind, I’d sort of like for us to get to know each other a little better first. Thanks.

Meanwhile, I will tell you that I am a 42-year-old, highly educated African-American mother of 4 adult sons. I am bilingual and am married to an immigrant from El Salvador. And I have been overweight for as long as I can remember. Even when I lost a whole heap of weight by using the doctor-prescribed Phentermine combined with vitamin B-12 complex injections.

What I am not is bitter/cynical. I sincerely congratulate all the people who took or take the appetite suppressants and lose weight AND keep it off. (I just don’t KNOW those people.) I would actually be glad if I had kept off even half of the 30+ pounds I lost. Not only could I not keep it off through vigilant eating and going to the gym 4 or 5 times a week: I GAINED back all of the weight PLUS another 40 pounds. Yes, I currently weigh about 70 pounds MORE than I did when I first went to the doctor for help.

Believe me when I tell you that I’ve had plenty of time to regret NOT having the gastric bypass surgery that I had signed up for back in 2010! I’d heard horrible things about it and the statistics of people who DIE after the surgery was not a pleasant realization at all. I learned about the lap band alternative and went through all the steps and classes to actually have the surgery. All that was left to do was schedule the exact date…and then I recommitted to the holistic healthy approach. I told myself that I did not want a foreign belt surrounding part of my intestine for the rest of my life and that I could save my insurance and myself a whole truckload of money by simply DOING all the things I’d been reading about for years.

I had limited success (never more than 8 or 10  pounds lost at any time) over the next year or so. And that was when I found myself at my desk at work one day, crying out of sheer helplessness and near hopelessness about my weight situation. That was when I picked up the phone and called my doctor and signed up for her weight-loss ‘clinic.’ I’ve already recounted to you THAT fiasco. But later I will tell you exactly how it went over the months that I was taking the pills and the shots.

Again, I have been on the path to wellness for quite a number of years now, and have made great strides emotionally and spiritually. However, it goes without saying that we live in BODIES and I am so ready to see the healing and wellness manifest there. I have been discouraged over and over again, but my purpose is sure. I will arise and continue on the journey and my firm intention is to help anyone I can along the way.

As much as I hate taking pictures, I’m committed to posting some pics so that we can all celebrate my before/after together, ok? I will most likely put up some videos, too (I have a youtube channel.)

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5 thoughts on “Today is the Day

  1. I’m gonna have to quote Po from Kung Fu Panda:

    “There is no secret ingredient. It’s just you.”

    Will be rooting for you at M7Adapt. All the best.

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